The One I Desire: Story 4 : A Real Chance
by Robbiespeedyslasher
Summary: Story Four in my The One I Desire series. The aftermath of that kiss. Roy forces Dick to confront what happened. Slash pairing RoyDick


**Disclaimer**: I don't own any of the characters or settings. It all belongs to DC.

**Summary:** Story Four in my "The One I Desire" series. Slash Paring (Dick and Roy) The aftermath of that 'kiss'. Roy forces Dick to confront what happened.

**WARNING:** Slash... no sex.

Thank you to those who have read and taken the time to review the other stories in this series. Most of you have reviewed anonymously, so I haven't been able to reply. I want you to know that I appreciate your encouragement.

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If you are interested in reading the first stories in the series, you will find them at and on my homepage which is listed in my profile.

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_**A Real Chance**_

_(Story Four in "The One I Desire" Series)_

"Hey, Honey. Are you okay?" Donna asked, approaching Dick. She'd seen him arrive at the party a few moments earlier, grab a drink and move to the corner.

"Hey, Donna," Dick half-shouted, to get his voice above the music. Garfield Logan and two other members of the younger Titans were belting out some tuneless piece of music in their newly formed band… well, band was something of an overstatement. The volume successfully concealed any sign of a melody and was sending vibrations reverberating through Dick's head. "Yeah, I'm fine. Just a bit… a bit distracted."

"Well, that's something new?" Donna laughed. She grimaced as Gar took the electric guitar to an octave above high 'c'. "That really is dreadful, isn't it?" she shouted.

Dick nodded, shoving one hand into the pocket of his faded jeans and leaning up against the wall. Long gone were the clothes of Bruce Wayne's ward. These days, Dick dressed very causally.

"Honey, whatever you're worrying about, let it go. At least, for tonight. Have some fun, Dick."

Dick leaned forward and kissed her on the forehead. "Relax, mother. I'm fine."

Donna slapped his chest happily, looped her arm through his and dragged him toward Wally and Vic. "Boys, look who's here."

"Hey, short pants, you made it," Vic greeted, offering his hand. "You're supposed to be our leader. Can't you do something about them?" he asked, indicating Gar and the band.

"No mask tonight. He's off duty," Wally laughed.

Donna winked at Wally and then slipped off to ensure everyone else was enjoying themselves.

On the other side of the room, Roy made polite conversation with Kory, but his attention was on Grayson. They hadn't spoken since last night when… Harper swallowed. All day he'd being planning to phone his friend just to check that everything was okay, but he simply hadn't known what to say. Dick had insisted that everything was fine, but it wasn't. Roy just wasn't sure why it wasn't.

He watched Dick listening to the others, but saying nothing. Not that that was out of the ordinary.

"Roy? Is something wrong?" Kory asked, following the line of his gaze.

"Huh? No. No, everything's fine. Just fine. So, you were saying?" he asked, blinking and then smiling broadly at the gold-skinned alien.

A few moments later, Roy spotted Dick leaving the common room and disappearing into gymnasium. Roy excused himself and followed. Harper paused in doorway and frowned. Dick was seated on a weight's bench, leaning forward, his elbows on his knees, his hands clasped and his head down. Roy shut his eyes briefly, steeled himself and then slipped into the room and shut the door behind him. The sound of the band could still be heard, but at least it was now a dull thudding sound.

"Hey, Dick."

Grayson jumped. "Hell, Roy, don't sneak up on a guy."

Roy pursed his lips thoughtfully. "There a problem?"

"Problem?" Dick asked, avoiding eye contact. "No. I just wanted some time to myself. Music was a bit loud for my liking. Bit tired too, I guess."

Dick was looking a little pale. "You sleeping?" Roy asked, strolling toward his friend and stopping in front of him.

"Didn't last night," Grayson admitted. He smirked and rose to his feet. "Took me a while to write up the report on the Gargoyle's attack for the JLA."

"You seem unsettled. Can I help?"

"No…. It's just me." Grayson looked toward the door.

Roy reached for his shoulder, but Dick slinked out from under the caring hand. "I guess we better be getting back to the party," he stated quickly, darting around Roy and starting for the door. "Donna'll be looking for us."

"Dick, this is about what happened last night, isn't it?" Roy's arms were hanging at his sides, his hands kneading his trousers.

"No. No, I told you, that's fine. I understand why it happened and I know it won't happen again," Dick stated all in one breath as he turned back toward Roy… his eyes directed at some spot over Roy's shoulder. "I've just got a lot going on." He rubbed his neck and centered his attention on the trapeze. "Batman and I had a 'disagreement' today. My sergeant is suspicious because I pursued three felons and by the time she arrived I'd taken them down without using my gun. A rookie cop isn't supposed to be able to do that, hence Batman's disapproval. He's been checking up on me again. Hacking into the department computers. Then there was…"

"Dick?" Roy interrupted. "You're rambling and you haven't looked at me yet."

Dick sighed and pulled his eyes across to Roy. "Sorry. It isn't you. I…" He sighed. "I'm just really tired. The last two days have been a bit of struggle."

"Why?"

"Poison Ivy's drug," he admitted.

"Oh?" Roy asked, with rising concern.

"The poison and the pheromones are still in my system."

"What does that mean?" Roy demanded. "Are you sick?"

"No… well, the poison's knocking me around a bit. Still got a bit of a fever. That isn't the problem. I dropped in to see Babs this morning and the damn pheromones kicked in. I had to give my excuses and get out of there so I could get home for a cold shower."

"How long will that continue?"

"Leslie isn't sure. A couple days. A week. Eventually it will work its way through my system, but until then, it enhances things about three fold."

Roy smiled and bounced his eyebrows. "You lucky bastard."

Dick didn't smile and dropped his attention to the floor. "Yeah, well, I'm sure that would suit you, Harper, but it's causing me some problems."

Roy reached out and patted his shoulder. "Sorry, buddy." Dick jumped. Roy frowned. "What the hell is that about?"

"Nothing. I just… nothing. Sorry. I'm just a bit…" Dick looked away.

"It's the kiss isn't it? Damn it, Dick. I wish I could take it back. No, actually, that's a lie." Dick glanced up at him and Roy smiled. The smile faded. Dick looked so worried. "Hey, Robbie. I'm joking. Come on, we used to be able to joke about this. Talk to me."

"I…" Dick swallowed and shook his head. He ran his hand through his hair in an attempt to brush the stubborn strands off his forehead.

Roy's mind began to race. He'd seen the confusion the night before, but he hadn't dared to hope. "You enjoyed the kiss?" Dick kept his face down, but Roy could still read the pain and he found himself searching for reasons it wasn't truly so. "It was the drug, Dick. That's all it was. You had a physical reaction to it. Our relationship is purely platonic. That's the way it will always be." Roy waited.

Again, Dick slowly shook his head.

Roy's heart began to pound. "No? You aren't sure if there was just a physical reaction because of the drug?"

Dick's head came up and the expressive blue eyes told Roy he was on the right track. "Dick, relax. It was the Gargoyle. He was messing with my head. He was probably messing with yours, too."

Grayson's face lit as he latched onto that glimmer of hope. Roy's heart twisted with bitter disappointment, and yet, he felt relieved for his friend. He reached out his hand and patted Dick's arm. "So relax, okay?"

Grayson frowned as logic moved in. "GL had captured the Gargoyle before... it happened."

"We don't know that for sure," Roy stated, quickly.

Dick sighed heavily as the weight of the world appeared to descend on his shoulders. His left hand was flexing into a fist and out again, evidence his nerves were on edge.

Roy hated seeing him go through hell. "Look, Dick. I kissed you because… you know why. That isn't a secret… hasn't been for years and we've both handled it. You had a physical reaction when I kissed you because of the drugs. If there was more than that, the Gargoyle was responsible. That's all there is to it. Now, for goodness sake, Grayson, let it go. I have."

For a few seconds there was silence. Dick opened his mouth to speak, but the words were difficult to find. Finally, in a voiceless whisper quaking with uncertainly, Dick asked, "And if the Gargoyle wasn't responsible?"

Roy was stunned. Dick was admitting it - admitting that he'd felt something. Trying to keep his thoughts clear and above the emotions bubbling inside him, Roy murmured, "I guess that's a question that needs answering."

Dick swallowed as Roy stepped up so close that they were only a foot apart. Grayson's breath caught in his throat as Roy's warm breath touched on his face. "I know a way we can check, Robbie."

Uncertainly claimed every part of Dick's handsome face.

"It will be painless and then you'll know."

"Roy, I don't… I…" Roy leaned forward and very lightly, his lips brushed Dick's. Grayson pulled back like a startled rabbit. "No," Dick stuttered. "No. What on Earth are we doing? This is ridiculous." He couldn't get his mind around it.

All of the sudden Roy recognized that he had a chance to grasp all he'd ever wanted. He wasn't about to let it go just because Dick was 'confused'. "I don't think that's fair. I think I have right to know if what you feel is purely physical because of the drug, or if there's more to it, Dick." He advanced.

Dick's eyes grew wide and unconsciously he began to back up. His usually calm and logical mind blurred. His composure shattered. "Roy…" His deep baritone had become high with anxiety. There was fear there too. Not of Roy, but of what was happening.

"You can stop me, Dick. You could stop anyone if you wanted to. Just toss me to the ground and I won't be able to kiss you," Roy whispered, advancing.

"Roy, this is..." His breathy voice quavered.

"The word you need to use is stop, Dick. You say stop and I will. Understand?" Roy checked.

Dick put his hands up between the two of them. "Roy, this isn't…."

".. a good idea? You think too much, Robbie." Roy's muscular chest connected with Dick's splayed fingers and he pressed against them firmly. Dick took another step back, but found himself backed against the wall. His blue eyes had dilated… a result of the drug, Roy guessed.

"Nowhere to go, Robbie. Last chance to toss me aside or use the word stop."

Dick swallowed. "I don't…" He was so confused – so uncertain of what was happening. His body, mind and heart were all at odds.

Roy leaned forward. Dick pressed him back, but there was no true effort or strength. Roy's lips touched Dick's. Grayson said something, it could have been stop, but Roy couldn't make it out and had no intention of pausing to ask. Harper reached one hand around the back of Dick's head and pulled the other man's lips against his own. Very gently Roy caressed Dick's mouth. Grayson fought back weakly and then Harper eased away. Roy's heart was pounding, his mind telling him this had to be a dream. For so many years he'd longed for this moment. He'd dreamt and day dreamed about it so many times.

Grayson was panting, his body trembling beneath the loose pale blue shirt that highlighted his brilliant eyes.

"The word is stop," Roy repeated.

"Damn it, Roy… " Dick rasped. He felt paralyzed. Unable to think. Unable to reason or judge.

"Say stop, Dick," Roy whispered, moving in again. Dick attempted to hold Roy back, but this time, Roy captured him, his left arm threading between the wall and Dick's back. Harper's hand ran down the rippling muscles until he felt them flinch. Then, he dug his fingers into those very special points he'd learned about in Asia.

Dick's body went rigid. He screamed something and increased his half-hearted efforts to force Roy away, but Harper knew exactly what he was doing and continued to massage those pressure points, while at the same time, tenderly ravaging Dick's mouth.

Grayson's attempts to push Roy away became feebler and finally he sank back against the wall, no longer able to fight back against himself… for that is who he'd been fighting. Roy felt Dick loose the battle and his heart soared. Dick wasn't kissing him, but he was allowing himself to be kissed. Roy held Dick for a few moments longer, savoring the moment. It was better than he had ever dreamed it would be. Slowly, Roy released Dick and drew in a long deep breath to calm himself.

Dick's eyes were closed, his chest heaving, his face flushed. Harper glanced down and noticed how 'full' Dick's jeans appeared. That, of course, was the drug. However, the fact that Dick hadn't flipped him onto his back and then broken every bone in his body…

"You didn't say stop," Roy whispered.

Dick's breathing was coming quickly… racing. His body was shaking. "Oh, shit," Roy muttered, placing his hand on Dick's shoulder. The drug was overwhelming him, he realized. "Easy, big fella. Just breathe deeply. Easy, Dick. Sorry, I forgot. Damn, Poison Ivy." The flush had been replaced by pallor as not only pheromones, but poison darted about Dick's body.

After a few moments, Dick's breathing became calmer and his eyes opened. He looked up at Roy as he dragged himself off the wall. It was a look Roy couldn't discern. Shock, fear, horror, amazement -- all rolled into one.

"This... didn't… happen," Grayson ground out. With that, he strode toward the door on slightly unsteady legs.

"Dick, wait. What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

Grayson spun around, anger claiming his face. "It didn't happen, Roy. That's it. Let it go."

Roy's eyes narrowed. "Junior Bat's back."

"Shut-up and leave Batman out of this! We're friend's Roy. And we work together. There isn't anything more. I'm sorry. I know you've wanted more for a long time, but there isn't." His ashen features stood out under the lights.

"What are you afraid of? That you enjoyed it?" Roy spat, his own anger rising.

"No. I didn't enjoy it. This ends here. The drug…"

"The drug made your groin swell up like a watermelon in your jeans and it may even have clouded your mind a little, but only you know if you felt more than a physical response. And you did, didn't you?" Roy accused.

"There wasn't anything more," Dick shouted, his hands balling into fists.

Silence descended between them… the only sound, Dick's elevated breathing and the muffled sounds of the party outside.

"Hell of a reaction for nothing, don't you think?" Roy asked in a hushed voice.

"Don't you get it, Roy? This isn't a game. There's too much at stake. I didn't want that. What just happened, I didn't want."

"You could have stopped me… easily as a matter of fact. You didn't. You didn't say stop either," Roy stated, calmly. "You want to know what I think? I think you felt something more than just a physical reaction and it scares the hell out of you because…"

"Shut-up, Roy! Just shut-up." Beads of perspiration appeared on his forehead as his elevated heart rate pumped the poison around him more swiftly.

"I've hit a nerve."

"No."

Roy nodded, knowing he had. "You're my best friend, Dick. That doesn't change because of what happened today."

"Hasn't changed?" Dick spluttered, his chest still heaving.

"I understand that you're scared. I understand that you like to have everything nicely worked out, and that what you're feeling doesn't fit into any of the logical boxes that constitute your life. I know this leaves you feeling exposed and you don't know how to handle it." Roy knew that, over the years, Dick had built up walls both to protect the person he was, and to be the person others needed him to be. When Grayson's parents had died, he'd built the first wall – he'd needed to be strong. That was what everyone had kept telling the orphaned eight-year old. He'd added another when he'd become Robin, hiding the scared child who'd still been having nightmares, because Batman needed a partner. He'd added several dozen protective layers as a result of his responsibilities in fulfilling his oath to Gotham's Dark Knight. Then, there was the layer that enabled him to be the leader of the Titans -- strong, uncompromising and always responsible and in control. There were the layers formed in grief as a result of losing loved ones in his team - people he'd felt responsible for. Each layer had been created for a reason and had a purpose, allowing Dick to carrying out the roles he'd taken on. On rare occasions… usually only in the presence of his four closest friends, Dick permitted the layers to be peeled away, but some always remained. Roy needed to get beneath those now. Dick didn't need to be strong, or responsible or in control. He just needed to feel. "You felt it, Dick. You can lie to me and you can even lie to yourself, but we both know what just happened."

Dicks' face creased with confusion.

Roy walked toward him. "If you tell me right now that you felt nothing more than a drugged induced physical reaction, then I'll walk way and we'll never talk about this again."

"I've already told you," Dick stated, weakly.

"Look me in the face, Dick. You tell me that it wasn't anything more."

Grayson swallowed. His eyes darted over Roy's left shoulder. "I'm sorry, Roy. It wasn't anything more."

"You are the worst liar on the planet, Grayson; you know that, don't you?" Silence fell between them for a handful of heartbeats. Roy's voice softened. "You've never been able to lie to me, Robbie."

Dick swallowed. His face flushed with anguish. He was so confused… totally bewildered. Logic told him that this was bizarre. Responsibility told him and that he and Roy could never…

"Fine. It ends here," Roy stated, taking a chance. He walked passed Dick and headed for the door. "I guess we both lose."

"Wait," Dick whispered.

Roy paused and turned slowly. In that split second, all of the layers were stripped away from Dick, leaving him spiritually naked and exposed to Roy Harper. This wasn't Robin, or Batman's partner, or Bruce Wayne's ward, or Nightwing, or Officer Grayson or the leader of the Titans. This was simply Dick Grayson.

"Wait? You don't want me to go?" Roy clarified.

Dick shut his eyes "Roy, I don't know what…" He was lost. Lost for words. Lost in every other sense. He felt more vulnerable at that moment than he'd ever felt in his life.

Roy smiled gently and suppressed the urge to rush to his drowning friend and enfold him in his arms. "Relax, Robbie. The drug may be responsible for 50 of what you're feeling. Maybe even 90 and the other part may just be that you and I love each other like brothers. Maybe that's all it is, but I think we owe it to ourselves to make sure, don't you?"

Dick swallowed. "This isn't right."

"Is that homophobia talking?"

"I'm not homophobic, you know that."

"But you hate the thought that _you_ may have feelings for a man."

"Yes," he admitted in hushed voice.

Roy smirked. "I can live with the fact that I'm in love with a hypocrite." He walked back to his struggling friend.

"I don't understand why this is happening." His eyes pleaded for Roy to provide him with an explanation that would put his world back in place.

"Why, isn't important. It's happening."

"But, I've never…"

Roy's heart melted as Dick floundered. "How about we wait and give the drug time to wear off and if you still feel anything at all, we'll purse it. Just take it one day at a time. I'm not going to push you, Dick. I promise."

Dick continued to stare at him, searching for some way to understand.

"There isn't a logical explanation, Grayson, so stop looking for it. You won't find it. You felt something didn't you?"

Dick swallowed and his chin bobbed. "I think so. I don't really know…I'm not sure. It could be just the drug. God, I hope it's just the drug."

"Well, thanks a whole hell of a lot. I feel loved," Roy chuckled.

Dick forced a smile. "Sorry, Speedy."

"Then we take it one day at a time?"

Dick's face twitched as he once again battled against years of conditioning. "One day at a time," he conceded in a whisper.

"I'm not going to push you," Roy promised. He could sense his friend's turmoil and he wanted to reassure him. "The moment you feel uncomfortable, you say so. The word is stop. In the next few weeks, you use it. You don't need to say anything else. I won't expect an explanation. The moment you say stop, it ends. No questions asked. We go back to you loving me like a brother, and me having wet dreams about you every second night."

The sheer, unrestrained relief on Dick's face left Roy smiling. Dick was so beautiful. Not just physically. He had a beauty that went all the way down to his soul - something that shone when he was vulnerable like this. "Of course, right at this moment all I can think about is tearing all of your clothes off and ravaging that God damn perfect body of yours, Robbie."

Dick's eyes widened and then, to Roy's surprise, the man he loved blushed. The crimson spread from Dick's cheeks to every other part of his body.

Roy laughed -- a mixture of relief, hope and pure joy. Oh, yeah. Now Roy Harper was certain that what Dick felt was a hell of a lot more than just Poison Ivy's drug. That beautiful 'red' reaction may be physical, but was born of emotion, not any drug.

'I love you.' The words remained locked in Roy's heart, but he lived for the day that he would be able to say them out aloud to Dick. He'd never given up hope. Now it looked as if he and Dick had a real chance.

Thank you for reading.

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